The Four D's: Dryness, discomfort, disconnection and desire
Written by registered nutritionist, Elle Brown.
I watched her shift in her seat, “It’s just really painful”, she recounted.
“It isn’t that I am not attracted to him, it just feels like my body isn’t doing what it is meant to be doing. I just want to enjoy sex with my boyfriend again.” A sentiment I have heard more than a few times in clinical practice, something I wish as women, we discussed more.
“My body is broken. I just have no desire, I almost feel numb. It’s been so long, I feel ashamed.” Another client shared with me in session.
“I feel so different. I almost feel nervous. It just feels like I need some support right now to get beyond what feels like a hurdle.” A new mum recently disclosed.
I listen to women’s stories for a living. Something I feel so honoured to be able to do.
I hear stories about chronic symptoms, pain, discomfort, and conditions; many of which are deeply rooted in shame and a belief that no one else experiences these things or that their bodies are inherently broken. Conditions that impact libido, fertility, intercourse and menstruation seem to hold the most shame for women.
Dryness, discomfort, disconnection and desire
There are four main areas of womanhood that seem to be dealt with behind closed doors, hidden away and painfully pushed down. Vaginal dryness, discomfort, pain, disconnection to body and self, libido and sexual desire are states that many women navigate, yet are in so many ways, still a taboo topic.
There are many reasons why discomfort may be present for women. Reasons why disconnection to body and self may happen, desire may wane, zest may change, vitality can shift or dryness and pain may occur. Vaginal dryness and accompanying pain is commonplace for my menopausal clients. Discomfort, fear, dryness and pain also frequently occur for my new Mum clients and for women who are navigating an array of hormonal conditions. Many women struggle to feel comfortable sexually during these phases, but they’re not alone.
These certain phases during womanhood are where I often see an impact to libido and vaginal discomfort:
In periods of stress and change
Accompanying hormonal conditions such as PCOS and endometriosis
Following Birth
While breastfeeding
In periods where sleep is impacted
In periods where menstrual bleeds are irregular
For women on certain medications or certain birth control methods
Following trauma
Navigating peri-menopause and menopause
Certain deficiency states
Chronic illness
Feelings within a relationship or feelings towards self
Body image
Mental health conditions
Vaginal imbalances and infections
How lube can help (and harm) the vagina.
Like our gut, we too have a microbiome within our vaginal area and our lungs. A microbiome that is sensitive to imbalance, infection and irritation. We want to be taking our female personal care products seriously so that we are not adding to the symptoms, but supporting the body naturally as we move through discomfort and healing. For optimal vaginal health, I recommend steering clear of:
scented products
products used for pleasure that include toxic chemicals
personal care products, fabrics and washing powders and detergents to determine factors that could be further driving irritation.
Our body is a wise vessel and it will always communicate with us through symptoms. It is the body’s way of telling us it is navigating something, it does not feel safe or it requires some further support. I knew when I created my dream pink women’s health studio, that I had to have a natural lubricant be front and centre on my product shelf, so women could feel comfortable talking about their sexual wellbeing, and so I could offer them a natural solution that I could help them feel less ashamed.
Shame dies when stories are told in safe spaces.
Whilst support and nourishment is available, many women do not even realise that they aren’t the only ones navigating this as it simply is not discussed. I often share with my clients that if I could place every woman I work with in a room together, and we all shared what we are going through, we would see that we are in this together. You are not alone, you never were and in fact, these presentations are not simply just present, but prevalent when navigating different phases of women’s health as we menstruate, birth and age.
These are the elements that often women feel too ashamed to mention in consultation, something I so wanted to change as a practitioner working in the women’s health space. When women walk into my clinic, I want them to feel respected and unashamed, like a big hello you are safe here, these topics and issues are safe here. Your questions and individual stories are safe here. Your heart is safe here. Because this is the reality for women in different phases.
When to see a specialist.
Nutrition and lifestyle choices, plus supportive supplementation, tools and interventions can greatly assist in the navigation of sexual discomfort, hormonal conditions, vaginal dryness and pain.
As always, choose a women’s health practitioner that you trust. If you are experiencing ongoing symptoms, pain or discomfort, seek medical advice and adequate testing. Ensure that you are choosing products that are pure, safe and supportive.
Meet Elle.
Owner of Elle Brown Wellness, a women’s health studio located on Sydney’s Northern Beaches. Elle is a Women’s Wellness Nutritionist; passionate about women nurturing and nourishing their bodies in a gentle, loving and supportive way.
With Bachelor of Health Science in Nutrition and Dietetic Medicine and a Masters in Human Nutrition and Research at Deakin University, Elle has over 10 years of experience helping women of all ages.
She is also a chai, chocolate and peanut butter enthusiast; feeling most at home by the ocean.